holidazed and confused

This New Year's holiday has moved New Years up a few slots on my "Favorite Holidays of the Year" list to a close second behind Christmas. You ever think about the holidays we celebrate? We have a day to say "I'm in love with you," a day to feel lucky and have an excuse to act like 3rd graders flirting with each other by pinching people who don't wear a certain color, days to remember important people (that no one really spends remembering them-most are just thankful for the holiday from work), and finally, a holiday to make a bunch of resolutions that you won't even follow through with a month, but you still get excited each and every year and say "this year will be different because I will regularly follow this prescribed list of stipulations for me to have a good year.

Sorry, but I'm just not into those holidays. Or the commercialism that follows and underlies even the best of holidays (nothing says I love you Jesus like spending 450 billion dollars on gifts each Christmas--which is what Americans alone spend). But I choose to make my own meaning about each of the holidays and enjoy them anyways. I mean, I enjoy those Sweetheart candies with the cliches as much as anyone else...but I just don't really equate sweets with being in love with someone. Call me crazy. :) I also don't agree with picking one day to honor the love in our lives. Shouldn't we really be doing this all year? Perhaps we simply need a reminder to refocus our energies on that which is truly important in our lives (i.e. love). I just don't see how buying things or eating crappy food will make that a reality.

This is coming off like I'm a jaded scrooge, and maybe I am, but I do really love holidays. I also believe in living honestly and authentically, and I feel that these holidays have just turned into a cheesefest. Sorry--not my cup of tea. HOWEVER. This new years has been different. I started it with a person that I dearly love from my past, watching football, enjoying each other's company, and high-fiving to the new year. The first person I called after midnight was Nick (after he had texted me at 12:12--I like that time for some reason), and we drunkenly exchanged "happy new years." Yesterday, I spent my day wishing everyone a happy new year (if I didn't reach you--HAPPY NEW YEAR!), watched Office Space with the sisters, and said what I'd been meaning to say to Nick for a long time...and I'm learning that relationships take time, are not ever perfect, and require a lot of work (and by relationship, I'm talking in general, including friendship and all that). You never know what someone else's life experiences are, and they influence our reactions to situations so much. Being friends with Nick has allowed me to become such a better person--through his support, I've survived the worst year of my life and have come out happy, stronger, and independent. He's a pretty cool guy and a great best friend. I ended the day with an awesome phone date with Allyson--and I laughed my butt off about the most ridiculous things. We're so much alike that it's ridiculous. Down to dating our first boyfriends for the same amount of time and at the same age. She's so cool.

All of that is wonderful...so in the first 24 hours, I've affirmed/fixed/positively changed/enjoyed three awesome relationships in my life. The second 24 hours, I've cut my hair off (above my shoulder--see Facebook for evidence) and was able to donate it! She said at first that I didn't have enough, so I asked her to cut off as much as was needed to donate. By changing up my own life, I was able to help a stranger in need with my leftover hair that I didn't need or want anymore. What a neat opportunity! I had a lunchdate with Em at Taco Bell, and that was also awesome. My car is COMPLETELY CLEAN right now...absolutely nothing in it. First time since summer (or before...) Vacuuming and cleaning the windows/dash comes tomorrow or Monday when it's not 26 degrees with a wind chill of 17 outside!

I feel accomplished. And I'm NOT making resolutions this year...well, maybe one. To LIVE. Whatever that entails, I'm doing it. I don't give a crap about my fat. If I eat to take care of my body and swim with the team often, that will take care of itself. I'm not concerned with keeping my room clean or anything of the sort...if I'm taking care of myself, then that will also take care of itself. Everything can fall underneath being relaxed and living life one day at a time, as it comes. No need to put pressure on myself to achieve some goals that are super far-fetched and have no real bearing on my life or my well-being. I refuse to categorize my life and my goals. I'm living one day at a time. And that is why this year is going to be happy for me. Because I'm rolling with the punches. I've overcome my depression and my anxiety is slowly but surely following suit. I am a strong woman. I am growing every day. And I don't need a scale or anybody else to tell me that. Because I'm confident and happy with who I am. Mess and all. :)

Cheers to a wonderful 2010, all.