hey you...life's not a race. it's alright. mix it up.

I miss Ben. So much. It's the weirdest things that trigger memories of him now...like a tshirt, or being in a pool, or the Y, or knowing that I'm going home Saturday to swim in the pool he used to work at on his days off from the AFC. These things bring tears to my eyes...and somewhere, deep down, they make me happy because they remind me of Ben, but right now, they more cause me to miss him so much that I ache. Isn't it strange how much you take things for granted before they're gone? He was an incredible guy. And it's funny that I felt so bonded to him when we really didn't discuss all my emotional stuff...we just joked, laughed, and ordered chinese food from Yuan Ho.

The title of this entry consists of four 311 song titles: "Hey You," "Life's Not a Race," "It's Alright," and "Mix it Up." I know I've written that Ben was a 311 freak...and recently, I've really gotten back into them (I was into them sophomore year and then lost them for a while...). So this morning, when I woke up crying over Ben, I turned on 311 that I just bought. They came out with a new album last year called "Uplifter" (how fitting, right?), and it's just a great album. I thought I was just listening to the album not on shuffle, but I was listening to all of the 311 on shuffle on my iTunes. I picked "Hey You" to start listening to...and then all of a sudden, "Life's Not a Race" came on. Ben? Yes. I then put it back on the second song of the CD, which happened to be "It's Alright." Then "Mix it Up" came on. :) And now, "Golden Sunlight" is on. Ben is speaking to me right now through his favorite medium--some 311! I truly believe God is letting Ben speak to me and let me know he's okay. I'm still hurting and aching, but this helps ease it a little bit.

I need to trust my intuition more and not always question it. I'm so worried about what other people think sometimes. Okay, pretty much all the time. I hate that...because life is really, really too short, and sometimes, it's even shorter than we think it's going to be. Something to continue striving for. And not beating myself up when I have a bad night or a setback...because when I look at the big picture, I'm still moving forward with my life. And the journey is what matters--not becoming the perfect person in the end, but the strife I go through to become a better person. And it's not all strife.

I'll leave you with some 311 lyrics from the above songs...and I think you'll see what I mean about Ben speaking to me. :)

You've changed your tune many times, since we met But I always recognize you, you are part of me I feel you whether in Jamaica or in the angel city You're such a gift to me, ooh Hey you, I gotta tell you my long time friend I think of all those years you saw me through tears and the good times that we spend Hey you, you're my constant companion You always let me explain just what I am sayin' and we've just begun I've got one wish for this music to be an uplift And I need an uplift to deal And there are few songs all the people can sing along And one song, come along and sing it for real, ooh Hey you, I gotta tell you my long time friend I think of all those years you saw me through tears and the good times that we spend Hey you, you're my constant companion You always let me explain just what I am sayin' and we've just begun As I wander around, town to town, lost and found When so many many others come and go Your sweetness pulls me through -Hey You A day like today is for you To let your mind unwind like you ought to Feel the earth turn 'round when your heart rate slows Contemplating the thing only your heart knows That life's not a race (Chorus) So hard to believe Part of me will fade In the mystery In a future world Long ago Part feels for your love And lives to tell you so ...Do you see world without end The rising sun my friend Imagine cloudlike You will form again In the spacey boredom In the autumn of late afternoon You are calm Just like a sleepy room -Life's Not a Race Stay with me Here with me Right in this instant Not in the distance When your head is off in future time That's the place when things get out of line Taking in this moment Your time is so well spent It's alright Wherever you are right now I tell you it's alright That's where you're supposed to be now Stay with me Here with me Right in this instant Not in the distance Standing at a crossroads, I was at a loss those Temporary moments pleasures that are stolen Here in the present Your time is so well spent It's alright Wherever you are right now I tell you it's alright That's where you're supposed to be now That's where you're supposed to be now -It's Alright Mix it up, uh, just mix it up what the Sum of all the parts when you add it up make much More than what you had I tell you what it's like mad The baddest thing that you ever had -Mix it Up