no words.

This entry, number 100 by the way, will have two sides, both based on the title.

This morning, I had no words as you invited me to hug you right before you walked across the stage. You have always been so special to me, and it just warmed my soul to share in that moment with you.

This afternoon, I had no words as you told me you had no words, nothing left to say after over a year and a half of shared living. Guess I shouldn't be surprised and shouldn't let it get to me...after all, I know this is best and this is what I need and have needed all along...

So...no words. It's such an interesting dichotomy between the two interactions I had with two separate people today: one was so positive-I'll remember it always fondly, and one was not very much of anything...just negative and a little bit disappointing. I've heard that not having to say anything when you're around someone is a sincere compliment and a testament to your comfort level around them...but what happens when there is nothing left to say? When all of the words have run their course and you have grown far enough apart that words seem trivial, forced, achy?

I'm so blessed to have the first kind in my life. I would love to be surrounded by that for the rest of my life...I felt so loved in that moment, so free and open and home. He makes me feel home. Comfortable. My sophomore and junior years were the best of college...and I want to return to that feeling. This summer and next year...I will. Because a good friend taught me that I can reinvent myself whenever I feel like it. I will not waste any more of my life living for another or leaving my friends behind for a boyfriend. That is not love. It doesn't end well. WRONG.

:) Forget the second...I'm living my life in the first paragraph of this story...and my life's story will be better for this chapter. Gosh...I feel so great. :) I'll ride is as long as I can--never know what life can bring along to knock you down. I like all the pillows I have to cushion my fall (my friends are NOT pillows and I don't use them for my own selfish needs...everyone was made to be in relationship with one another).