I am not happy with someone. Or really the situation. Or yes I'm just not happy. I haven't taken my meds for a month. I began taking them today because I spent last night sprawled out bawling because this person is still in my life, intertwined with parts of my being I didn't even know existed. I won't go into it very much because I find myself getting worked up over it as I type...but I'm not okay with that situation.
I hate taking my meds. They make me nauseated and give me headaches when I first start to take them. I hate when this person asks me "Have you taken your meds?" when I am upset. I'm not nauseated anymore...I went to the gym and I feel GREAT today! But...I took my meds. Why can't I do that on my own?? Part of it is genetics. I have a pretty substantial family history on my dad's side of depression and alcoholism...and two suicides. But genetics is not all of it. Part of it is also negative habits that have built up for years that I need to break. I am working so hard to make this happen...I'm so ready for new--for more.
Say a prayer for me or something. I can't do this on my own. But I am ready...and I'm starting.
1 comment:
You can fight this! That depressed, angry person is NOT you. That's something I've had trouble convincing myself of over the past several months - I'm not a depressed person. That's not who I am and it's not who I want to be. Just don't let yourself succumb to those lies that your brain likes to tell you.
You're a strong person and you've had a very heavy load lately. Let yourself relax when you can and work when you have to.
I love you lots and I'm praying for you!
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