simplify, simplify.

I think Thoreau had it right...he went into the woods because he wanted to live simply. Complications are wastes of time...of energy and of the gift of life we've been given. In following Jenni's footsteps, I'm giving them up for Lent. Or maybe forever. I don't care if that sounds stupid. I'm doing it.

Life is too short. My dreams are too big to be controlled by my simple minded attempts at single-handedly explaining my universe and the actions of every person in it. I will not try and understand why I can't seem to work things out with Cory but yet I miss him so much that I can't breathe at times. I am learning to be independent...single for the first time in over two years (not only including my relationship with Cory but my previous one with Collin). This is hard, but I have incredible friends, ones who will pick up when I call them just to talk about stupid crap and cry and moan about the same things that are bothering me for TWO WHOLE HOURS...and not complain once. I feel so loved. This person changed my life by just being on the phone with me and NOT DOING ANYTHING ELSE but listening...that is true friendship, and I don't feel like I deserve it because I've never experienced it or relied on it solely without the addition of a relationship...not in mature, recent memory at least.

I am lucky. Blessed is more like it. The snow has fallen today, and with it has come a calming of my allergies, the Farmville community, and my soul. The wet snowflakes landed on my heart, enveloping it in a snowball of calm, comfort, and childhood memories. Things could be so much worse. I get the day off tomorrow!!! I have friends who would do anything for me without me necessarily being deserving or doing anything in return for them. I AM BLESSED. I CAN SURVIVE THIS AWFUL PAIN AND GROW FROM IT. I CAN DO IT!!

I know in a few hours I'll be sad again, but they will be fewer hours than the last time. Things are improving, incrimentally, each day. I love my life...even when it sucks.