reasons!

Everything truly happens for a reason. I have always heard that, blindly believed, then doubted, and then my faith was restored this week in numerous amazing ways.

I saw the sun rise and set in some of the most brilliant display of beauty that I have ever seen. I witnessed this...while 1) going to work at 5:30 in the morning after not enough sleep, 2) after a storm, 3) while driving home from work. It took my breath away. All three times. "When I look at the stars, I feel like myself--when I look at the stars, I see someone else..."<3

I watched the power of a thunderstorm. I watched the lightning dance across the sky, playing among the clouds and flashing like lights at a big citywide disco partayyyy. I ran in the rain, opened my arms and felt the sky engulf me in it's healing and nurture. I laughed, then stood in silence and awe as I watched the rain fall in sheets and the wind rush by my screen door. I enjoyed a glass of wine and stood by the door, one hand holding the glass and the other in the pocket of my sweatpants, and I felt complete. Whole. Wonderful.

I became bold with not really all that much wine and texted someone something I really didn't mean but that offered a welcome distraction. They texted back and said their girlfriend didn't want us talking anymore hahaha. Instead of being mortified like I normally would be, I'm laughing. I apologized and said my niceties about not wanting to harm their relationship (all truths). I actually don't even remember what I said--I was so tired (not drunk) that I just said what I was thinking. So, whatever. I'm not lowering myself to that anymore--I'm respecting myself and turning off my phone when I am feeling the need to just take my word filter off haha. I am important to the world. I am smart, beautiful inside and out, and I am a hard worker, honest, intelligent, and open minded and open hearted. I saw facebook photos of a certain recent ex that made me laugh--drunken episodes (or some other drug of choice) that make me realize that we were both trying to make the other into something we weren't...that goes for me especially. I had put so much time and energy into our relationship that I wanted it to work--at any cost. I convinced myself that he was it for me...that if I worked harder, or did something better, or helped him more, he could become the person I had always dreamed of. NOPE. And I won't make that mistake anymore. I'm finally enjoying my independence. Truly.

And I'm over you. Every single moment in my life has been leading up to this one...and it's the same in all of our lives (in my thinking). I'm excited to see where things lead. Tomorrow, I go home and spend two days enjoying sweet home Cville before driving with my family to Indiana to celebrate my dad's accomplishments and his becoming a fellow of the Construction Specifications Institute, an honor bestowed upon less than 400 people nationwide in 60 years. My dad's an architect that owns his own firm (which has partners now) and builds green. I'm very proud of him. Even if my family doesn't always get along, like my parents, I'm still enjoying my time with them in this coming week. Because everything truly comes around and will work out for my best interests in the end. It will for all of us if we simply keep an open mind and an honest heart.