One of the regulars at the pool today said to me in the middle of his swim "Don't ever quit. Never give up. Always find a way." He the proceeded to ask me what my life motto was. I thought to myself, "That's a strange question, but whatever," and I sat there, lifeguard tube in lap, trying to put my entire life philosophy into a suscinct sentence, a catchy catch-phrase that would allow this man to get in my head and enter my view of the world. Of course, it came out like a bunch of garbage...like someone flipped on the word garbage disposal in my head and a fork got stuck in there somehow. I stumbled, tripped, and clawed my way around some series of failed attempts to answer his question...but I couldn't. Not the way I wanted to, at least. Of course, then I got to thinking...what else do I have to do with 3.5 hours to kill and absolutely no opportunity to do anything else but stare at a body of chlorinated water with people casually swimming back and forth?
There are so many things in life that defy explanation. I've known this for years now, but I finally feel my heart starting to embrace it. This whole idea first started really getting to me about two years ago when I met Aaron. You know when you meet someone and you immediately are on the same wavelength--where you don't have to explain what you mean, but they just get it somehow? This happens to me ALL the time. I'm a people person. I live for when I can spend time with my friends and meet new people. Life is much more exciting when you have new people to share it with. Anyways, I feel that we as humans are all connected...but not solely on the earthly, flesh and bone, visceral level, although we are connected through our anatomy and our human experience. I believe there is a piece of God in every single person. No matter how you choose to define (or attempt to define) God, there is something higher in us than just the basic survival instincts we were programmed to have. There's looking into another person's eyes and literally seeing their heart. There are skipped heartbeats, sweaty palms, and buckled knees. There's MUSIC. There's the warm feeling in your chest that radiates out into every single inch of your being and fills you with such incredible, immense joy that no words could EVER describe the rapture you're feeling. This is what life is all about...not how much money you have, the kinds of things you accumulate as you walk down your lifepath...it's the relationships we build that matter the most.
I go to the Y and know why I want to work there: the YMCA is a PEOPLE-ORIENTED organization. I don't just lifeguard--I interact with people and share with them my love of swimming and the water and give them skills to use in learning to enjoy the water like I do. I literally have saved lives there, in as many senses of the word as you can think of. I know I'm meant to be a teacher because I feel this intense passion and desire to help other people learn to love life and share the joy of living! AND OF MUSIC!!!
Life is opening up its arms to me and giving me the biggest bearhug I've ever had. I'm seeing things COMPLETELY in a new light. Every moment, every interaction, every eye contact, smile, whisper, utterance, note, step, stroke, chord--it all has meaning to me. I feel like I've got life ADHD...I'm fascinated with the world again, like a child who's just beginning to explore their surroundings. I'd say Jem's "Finally Woken" is perfect to describe how I'm feeling right now.
But really--I'm done labeling my life or anyone else's. Don't ask me to make a judgement about anyone else or waste my time complaining about how awful a paper is. Life is so much bigger than my words, my thoughts, my day to day crap--it's bigger than me or anything I could ever make of myself. The true joy in living is found by letting go of the need to compartmentalize, control, and understand every little thing that happens around you--it's in hugs, looking into another's eyes and knowing what they are experiencing as well without a word having to be uttered...words are mere sounds, utterances that escape your mouth, float outward, and disapate like the fog on a summer's morning. Life will never be "perfect," but what is perfect anyways? You know what, life is perfect...WE aren't...and it's time to accept this fact and get on living life.
Dr. Mrs. Kinzer talks about music as continually moving through time and space. When you're sightreading, you can't stop, go back, and fix your mistakes. You have to keep pushing through, jump back on, and get back in it. Life is one big sightreading session. Some melodies/rhythms repeat, and you eventually start to get the hang of them. Putting too much pressure on yourself to get every single note or to be able to create and memorize some kind of form chart in your head is ridiculous...so why do we expect this much of ourselves in daily life?
Let go.
The rest of life is swirling around you.
The leaves are dancing, the birds are gliding, the trees are swaying, moving their bodies to the beat of the universe...get with that rhythm. Go freaking salsa dance. Just MOVE. Don't settle. Don't stagnate. INTERACT with other people. LOVE. Hold the damn door open. Smile at strangers!! Start conversations. Be stupid. Don't be so self-centered that you can't see all the beautiful things that Life is graciously sharing with you in that very SECOND.
Open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans
and DAMN your free
Look into your heart
and you'll find
LOVE
Listen to the music OF THE MOMENT
People, dance and SING
We're just one big family
and it's OUR GOD-FORSAKEN RIGHT to be loved,
LOVED.
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