at home.

I'm back home earlier than anticipated because of Ben's death. This is a blessing in one way, because I get to spend more time with family, but it's a curse knowing that my friend won't be here to celebrate Christmas with his family and friends. I spent a lot of yesterday afternoon weeping for the loss of him...knowing that we won't be having any more ridiculous antics at work sucks big time...but I need to keep remembering the positives: he brought so much joy to my life and to the lives of many others--I have to believe he's in a better place now, looking down on us and smiling--and I was extremely blessed to have known Ben. What a jokester. :)

I've spent the last few days evaluating my own life (big surprise there) in light of what's happened. I could die tomorrow. I've actually experienced much less anxiety in general, and I think this is because I realized Ben lived his life with no regrets and didn't hold back based on if he might get in trouble or if other people agreed with what he was doing. I also realized that, at the end of my own life, whenever that may be, all the worries won't mean a thing or help me in any way. I need to enjoy life every single day and just forget about worrying about what I'm "supposed" to do or what other people think of me. Who says their opinion is more valid than my own? I'm going to spend more time developing my own opinions on things before asking for those of others...and asking God for help as well. It's funny...this whole situation has really helped me re-focus my life and my faith. I'm so upset that it took Ben dying to make me realize some of these things, but the fact remains that we can't change the fact that he's gone from this earth, so I've decided to take his own advice and make the best of what's around...because that's the whole point of being around here.

Thank you Ben, for leaving me with the gift of a new outlook on life. If you had to leave, I'm glad you're still changing lives in so many ways. I miss you so much, but you're still with me, and you always will be. :)

Here's his obituary...read it. He's saving over 100 lives as an organ donor. That's Ben for you. :)
http://www.teaguefuneralhome.com/obituaries/tribute.html?url=http://stei-23992.tributes.com/show/Benjamin--Hair-87360283