procrastinating!

Totally unmotivated for any sort of school work haha. I'll be paying for this later.

"I love poetry, because it requires discovery." -Jenni (a rough translation)
Isn't that a beautiful thought? Not having everything handed to us in prepackaged bows and little tiny predictable parcels? How often in my own life do I try to force the packaging on someone or something in my life? I get impatient...I think that if things don't happen at the speed of light like they do in movies, I'm not getting anywhere. I want to force others in my life to feel a certain way to fit into my plan for life...but that won't get me where I want. I long for authenticity, for truth in my relationships, for honesty. I'm getting that--so why do I fight so hard to make things move faster? Old habits die hard, especially when they're tied to insecurity and self-worth.

I'm feeling a small sense of change in myself today. A little less of the anxiety that drives me to force things. A little more relaxing. A willingness to open myself up fully to love, with the knowledge that it may never be returned, in any situation...but does this mean we should not love at all? I don't think so. Even getting "hurt" still means having one of my best friends, and that will never ever change. Until circumstances change...and then we will re-evaluate and move forward again. Isn't that what life tends to be sometimes--a series of assessments and re-assessments? I vote not boxing myself in...I vote for freedom and for getting rid of labels and for enjoying the flow of life as it was meant to be lived.

I'm entering my last week of undergrad classes...and that is crazy!!! Exciting at the same time, though. Life is about to take a sharp turn, but I'm excited for it. :) Who knows where I will be at this time next year?! Not me, but I do know this--if I allow life to flow, to take its natural course, I will be somewhere beyond my wildest imagination. It's time to trust and get hurt and then trust again. Because life live scared and hidden isn't worth living.