open windows.

I guess it's been a while since I last updated this. I think I'm going to start updating it more. I'm supposed to be keeping a journal of my moods/activities for counseling anyways. So...a lot has changed in the past month. I started taking medicine for my depression about a week ago. It's 4 bucks for 30 pills at WalMart (thank you, corporate America!) and it seems to be working out alright so far. As for my decision to go on them...I was adamately opposed to them up until I hit rock bottom. I had been living unhappy for about a year, and it was progressively getting worse and worse. My schedule, continual draining of money from my bank account, and whatever else life was throwing at me just took its toll. The medicine helps create seratonin in my head and slows down the absorbtion of it...meaning my brain has time to realize "hey--be happy!" and I can stay that way. It's only been a week, but I don't freak out about little things. I feel more like myself than I have in YEARS. I feel relaxed, even though I've been making a budget and realizing that my net income per month is MINUS anywhere between 115 and 415 dollars. I need more hours at work, so hopefully that'll work out...I'm sure it will. :) I just feel like I have a LOT more energy to do things...and to help straighten out my thinking. My counselor says I view the world in a way that puts a CRAPLOAD of pressure on me...if I do things right, that's good, but if I screw up, I look down on myself and my self-esteem lowers. This is no way to live! THANK GOD FOR CHANGE!

I still feel awkward sometimes...like I'm cheating the system by taking a tiny pink pill that makes my brain feel all good about itself...but I know that I needed it to help me out. Who knows how long I'll be on it, but I know in the end, this was definitely the right decision for me. The pill won't do anything for me unless I help myself, and it's helping me do just that. YAY.

I love fall break. My windows are open...it's 75 degrees outside...I get to spend time with my family and watch my two younger sisters go to homecoming! AND UVA FINALLY WON. Well, they won last week, but everyone thought that was a fluke, so this was REALLY a good win. :) Yayyyyyy. And the Skins are on tomorrow!!!!! AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORK DURING THEM. :)

I'm going to go lay in bed and enjoy my time off. I know I'm taking better care of myself these days, and it feels good. :)