wonderful window view

In the Outer Banks with my family and Cory. It's been up and down, but I think it's been good for me.

This weekend was amazing. We had JSLs, the championship meet for our summer league team. We won our division, a FIRST in HMH history as long as anyone can remember! And to think, our coaching staff consists of eight people no older than 22. I'm so proud of all we accomplished! I work with some absolutely incredible people. :) The meet was great--we had a "Blackout" theme and everyone dressed in black. I put "warpaint" underneath my eyes...haha. Lost my voice, too...but it was ALL worth it. The JSL is such a positive place! I love coaching for a team in it, and I hope we get to do it again next year!

Sunday I had to say goodbye to a friend that's gotten me through the summer. He's amazing, and I miss him already. He'll be in Germany for a year--and I'm going to miss him a ridiculous amount. It's hard to say goodbye to someone who's been so important in your life, especially when you feel like you're still working through the things they were helping you with. We met in the pool's parking lot after the swim banquet. Two of our swimmers were there and said goodbye to him first...he turned to me and I cried immediately. I sobbed, really. I even doubled over at one point. Saying goodbye to him was painful. I hated that moment.

It's Wednesday now. I've been feeling depressed for parts of the trip. I took a shower today and just lost myself in thought. I realized that depression isn't the absence of happiness...it just is an obstacle I have to conquer to get there. Like everything, some people really get things the first time, while others have to spend hours laboring to yield the same results. My flute playing's gone pretty well. Music comes easily to me, moreso than most people. Swimming isn't something I'm naturally good at, but I really enjoy doing it, so it doesn't really matter to me most of the time. Happiness seems to be the same kind of thing to me--just something I have to work a little harder at than others. I won't give up...just work harder to keep pushing through until I'm able to feel happy for longer periods of time. I just have to have faith.

Life is moving forward. I'm holding on for the ride...attempting to brace myself enough to take my hands off the bars and wave them around in the air. :)